Unclaimed Treasures

I’M FAT, SO GET OVER IT ALREADY

Black women are sick and tired of being told we are too much of this and too much of that to have mates because that is a horrendous lie
By Fannie Banks-Wells
Her Own Kinda Beautiful

All About That Bass Song by Meghan Trainor

“Yeah, it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two
But I can shake it, shake it, like I’m supposed to do
’Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places
I see the magazines (ah-ha) workin’ that Photoshop (ah-ha)
We know that shit ain’t real
Come on now, make it stop
If you got beauty beauty (ah-ha), just raise ’em up
’Cause every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top”

As an African-American unmarried woman who has struggled with her weight since childhood one of the things that really has always annoyed me is that black women are told they are to blame for the fact that most of us are single. If you have not seen statistics regarding African American women it clearly shows that roughly 70% of us are single. African American males have been known to say she’s (black women)too fat, too loud, or too black (colorism). It is interesting that women of other races are also too much of this or that yet they are apparently deserving of compatible companionship. We have all been around the nonblack twenty-four-year- woman, with an acne complexion and plenty of “junk in the trunk” that has a devoted boyfriend or fiance/husband.

These men that make these types of comments never acknowledge the fact that for decades there has been a significant shortage of marriageable black men in America. This is the true reason why the skinniest black woman to the plumpest chocolate woman are usually single. For a large portion of my adult life, I had well-meaning friends and relatives telling me that if I just lost those extra pounds I would have a husband( like magic).

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I never had trouble attracting men, and yes I have had marriage proposals. What I have not had is attention and interest from men that are compatible with me and that issue occurs to even the thinnest of women. There have been times in my life when I got down to a magical size, and yes I attracted more men but not the guys I wanted. I often attracted absolute jerks who told me that they thought I was gorgeous but often wanted to use me as eye candy or sexually. If you talk to women that are considered to have the best figures and the pretty face to go along with it, you will find that a common theme of their life is attracting men who like to “show their ass”. As a person with a brain I hated being treated that way and to make matters worse, I have met plenty of women who not only were considered to be overweight but also were not considered to be the most beautiful. However, those same women had wonderful men in their lives (as they should)the type of man I have always desired. A sincere man, an honorable man; a committed man. Therefore at this time in my life, I have no patience for people who tell me and other women like me that we have to be the cutest thinnest woman to attract a marriageable man because it is the fattest (excuse the pun)lie.

One of my best male friends is a married man to an African-American dark skin large-sized woman that he has adored since he first laid eyes on her in the 10th grade. He told me one time that shallow immature men will pursue women that look like the women represented in the media. The fair-skinned women who are thin will be pursued by the shallow man he told me because they think that is what they need. He stated that a man of maturity does not let the media or childish friends dictate to him what is beautiful and desirable. He stated that he does not need external influences to tell him that his wife is beautiful; she is his kind of lovely. So please allow me and other women of size to be their own kind of lovely and stop the hurtful lies that are meant to shame someone for not meeting narrow beauty standards. Let’s be honest and say that black women are single mostly due to external forces out of their control.

We are single not because we are too fat, but because too many black men are in prison. We are single, not because we are too loud but because of colorism. We are single because of socio-economic barriers that keep middle to higher-income black women and low-income men apart. The truth is that with all of our perceived imperfections we are absolutely perfect for a lucky guy who “is all about that bass”.

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